The Scenario: A cartoon and caricature competition in school. Just when I’m rushing around because of a play we are supposed to perform in two days (and we still haven’t found a place to practice in, because space just does not exist in my school) my commercial art teacher heightens my state of near-hysteria by threatening me with painful death if I don’t submit an entry.
The Thought Process: What do I draw? A political caricature will take too long. I can’t do a comic strip, I barely have time to breathe and creating a superhero-type adventure will tax my brain to a point of no return… wait, my brain is already beyond that. What is the most unoriginal thing I can do?
The Eureka Moment: Puja ate up most of my lunch today. Mean girl. I shall have to get back at her for… aha. Ping!
The Procedure: This is the easiest part – I’ve grown up with this girl for fifteen years, I could draw her wide grin in my sleep. I have my entry! If only plays could be drawn.
The Result: I walk into school, and realise that the softboards in the lobby look different. The results have been pinned up! Gasp! I won!
The Realisation: This is a public place. People walk through this. Puja will walk through this. Puja will see this. Puja will murder me.
The Battleplan: Bahrain. Bahrain is a good place to go into hiding. I shall tell my folks I need some sun and sand and a place where I can be swathed in cloth and not be recognized.
The Wait: Day One, no angry friend assaulting me with nunchucks. Day Two, no assassination attempts. Day Three, still alive. Day four. Everyone else has seen the cartoon and Puja still hasn’t realized why they’re sniggering. Bless her. Day Five. Apocalypse.
The Denouement: Two gasps, a quivering pointed finger and a ferocious snarl later, my wronged friend proceeds to eat up my lunch for tolerating my witlessness for so many years. She does a very good job of making sure I don’t get a bite.
The Moral: Revenge doesn’t pay. Especially if you mess with a big eater.